A REAL Justice League Of America

I swore I'd not post about comics anymore, but I had this idea. After Newsarama disclosed the Great Ten and boards across the Internets have been complaining of the stereotypical and sexist characters (A woman that gives birth once every three days certainly is sexist. Why isn't it a MAN that gives birth every three days? Eh?). An embrionary idea for a similar american team was conceived, and yours truly combined it with a couple of ideas he pulled out of his rear end and created the one and only Uncle Sam And The Samaritans!

Uncle Sam, with the power to incide rampant patriotism and look good in photo-ops, is the field leader. He also makes enemy detecting much easier: You're either for him or against him!

Statesman, second in command, has powers granted to him by all 50 States - Greatness from Texas, invisibility from Wyoming, and so on. Unfortunately, he gets his driving skills from Florida. (did you see what I did there)

Paul Bunyan, giant lumberjack with an axe that can cleave through the very atoms of matter and generate small explosions. With him is his blue ox, Babe, an extradimensional creature of great strength.

John Henry Irons battles with twin hammers and his magical power of being better at anything than machines. Smarter than a computer, faster than an automobile!

Johnny Appleseed suffered a horrible accident and is now a half-man, half-apple-tree person. He fights crime with his awesome and terrible powers of plant generation and control.

The Nuclear Array is sworn never to use his powers, but he must remain in the team so as to guarantee its strength against the enemy.

On reserve, Lady Liberty, the Founding Father and the Preemptive Striker. As guest member, Jesus (Who claims to be on the side of the Americans, but is often seen fighting with other national squads and even soccer teams)

I Forgot Tyrannosaurus Reich Too

Since I'm on a DC comics run, let's finish with the list of Top 50 DC Comic Characters I sent to some blog. Comic Curve or something. I'll link to their top 50 once it's up.

I based my list order on: If I had two comics, each featuring one of these characters, which one would I buy? This list is not without its errors, as I'd buy anything with Doom Force or the Brotherhood of Dada in it, but whatever.

Accompaining the top 10 is a great moment of each character that I found in Google.

1 Morpheus, Sandman can be quoted in pretty much anything he says and still be awesome.
2 Flex Mentallo says the most sensible thing ever said in comics in any time ever.
3 Swamp Thing goes into SPACE and becomes SPACE THING.
4 Ystin, Shining Knight decides being sent 12000 years in the future is no reason to feel down.
5 Mogo just exists.
6 Buddy Baker, Animal Man is roadkill.
7 Kyle Rayner, Green Lantern goes apeshit with his constructs. Notice Strangelove Superman on upper left.
8 Kay Challis, Crazy Jane is creepy, cute, and others, depending on time of day and phase of moon.
9 Delirium of the Endless has an unusual grasp of the situation.
10 Kid Eternity fights evil with George Washington.
11 Rebis, Negative Man
12 Frankenstein
13 Cliff Steele, Robotman
14 Danny the Street
15 Unnamed Neanderthal, Dial H For Hero
16 Klarion
17 Death, Sandman
18 Starro the Star Conqueror
19 Daniel, Sandman
20 Irwin Schwab, Ambush Bug
21 Karen Starr, Power Girl
22 Eel O'Brien, Plastic Man
23 G'Nort
24 Vera Black, Sister Superior
25 Brother Eye
26 J'onn J'onzz, Martian Manhunter
27 Linda Danvers, Supergirl
28 Mitchell Shelley, Resurrection Man
29 Querl Dox, Brainiac 5
30 Chameleon, Legion of Superheroes
31 Vandal Savage
32 Wally West, Flash
33 Selina Kyle, Catwoman
34 John Dee, Doctor Destiny
35 Faith
36 Harleen Quinzel, Harley Quinn
37 Oliver Queen, Green Arrow
38 Robby Reed, Dial H For HERO
39 Barbara Gordon, Oracle
40 Rose Wilson, Ravager
41 Edward Nigma, Riddler
42 Vic Sage, The Question
43 Zor
44 Jack Ryder, Creeper
45 Arthur Curry, Aquaman
46 Paul Booker, Major Disaster
47 Lonnie Markin, Anarky
48 Matthew Tyler, Hourman
49 Ted Kord, Blue Beetle
50 Ra's Al Ghul

Hooray DC Comics related post

DC has just started a new series with magic-themed superheroes. It's called Shadowpact, and it stars a guy with a sword, a girl that can command shadows and a chimp detective. Very magical.

I'm depressed, cause frankly, there's a lot of better magical characters in DC comics that should be in a series and instead I have to swallow this drivel. Just as an example, here's a team I assembled on my lunch break.

Aquaman - The version after he got the water hand, but before he became Batman Of Underwater San Diego. If you haven't read Aquaman lately, don't ask. Put him as leader, where he can do the strategy and not have to constantly prove how awesome his powers are. And for the love of god keep his supporting cast AWAY.
Klarion - Fresh off his own miniseries and ready to be the member-in-training of a team.
Shining Knight - The Hawkgirl of the team. Flies, hits things very hard, has some knowledge of ancient (very ancient) artifacts and language AND a talking horse. Plus she is pure of heart, which always comes in handy when handling finicky old artifacts.
Frankenstein - Yes, this team is half Grant Morrison. Kind of like a more well-read Doom mariner. Send him in lone side-missions where lots of ass must be kicked.
Kid Eternity - This time ditch the Morrison version and go back to basics. Let him handle all afterlife and ghost-based problems.
Animal Man & Swamp Thing - The Red-Green team covers nearly all of nature, with Aquaman for redundancy when needed. Nature and magic go far back.
Zatanna - Not required, but the team needs more women. At least limit her powers in some way we can understand or limit her appearances.

And for principal enemies, say, Doctor Destiny, Zor and the Floronic Man. Maybe we could get Doctor Sivana too? Science versus magic is fun.

Brains

I occasionally have insights into the human nature that are either wrong or better explained by someone else. This doesn't stop me from sharing them with you! For example:

When we are young and in school, most challenges of a physical nature are cooperative (football, volleyball, et cetera). In contrast, most challenges of a mental nature are competitive (test grades). This naturally conditions children to hate and distrust people smarter than them - they're the competitor, they're the enemy.

And then come the toilet dunkings and lack of socialness and people untrustable for a janitorial position as president scause they don't look threatening. And it aaall repeats on the next generation around!

EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME

Did you hear about the new Scooby-Doo? I have. I can hardly wait for what other 80s cartoons will be adapted to the new superhero trend. Here are a few suggestions, to get people started:

Yogi Bear, Vampire Hunter - Yogi Bear hunts evil vampires with his superpowers of teleportation and telekinesis, along with his shapely girl sidekick, Boo Beau.

Top Cat And The Cateteers - Top Cat and his crew (Fancy^2, Spoox, Benny The Sphere, Brain and Choo^2) fight evil Emperor Dibbulax by piloting space tanks that can turn into a giant robot.

Dennis The Menacer - Dennis is a young psychic orphan boy in a grim cyberpunk world ruled by the malevolent Emperor Wilson.

Penelope Pitstop And The Pitstoppers - IN THE FUTURE OF WACKY RACES, THERE IS ONLY WAR

Can anyone do fanart of this? Like that Inspector Gadget one. It'd look totally sweet as a desktop or t-shirt.