The Game of the Decade
Discovering underlying patterns is one of the greatest abilities of the human brain. Using this, I have played every game made in every decade, and built a list of what comprises the Archetypical Videogame of that decade - and what, inevitably, shall follow:
1970s:
* A glowing dot that moves to the sides as the player operates a rotary controller
1980s:
* A single static graphic where generic aliens move around
* A progressively increasing number, called the 'score'. As it increases, the player is presumed to be more skiller than others with relatively lesser scores
* Game never ends: player keeps fighting larger enemies progressively
* Game punishes poorly skilled players by forcing them to restart the game
* Squares of light vaguely resemble generic aliens
* Beeps, boops
1990s:
* A vast world of either wilderness dotted with castles or platforms dotted with powerups
* Straight-path play: player keeps fighting larger enemies progressively until they face a very large enemy and then the game ends
* Game punishes poorly skilled players by forcing them to restart from the last saved position
* Generic aliens in 16-color palettes
* Beeps, boops forming a tune: sometimes bells
2000s:
* A vast world of wilderness and platforms dotted with castles and powerups
* A progressively increasing number, called the 'experience'. As it increases, the player is presumed to be more skiller than others with relatively lesser scores
* Multiple-path play: player keeps fighting larger enemies progressively until they face a very large enemy and then the game ends, but may optionally fight other enemies that'll make the very large enemy easier to defeat
* Game punishes poorly skilled players by chastising them with a stern voice
* Generic aliens in full-motion video and high polygonal counts
* Mini-games: 1980 games may be included as sub-games where the player may gain more experience'
* Britney Spears songs
2010s:
* Quadridimensional platform castles with powerup wilderness on them
* As you defeat enemies, slot machines start spinning and money belches out the console
* Pick what enemies you'll fight out of a list at the start of the game
* Game punishes poorly skilled players with delicious candy
* Generic aliens will sit beside you and play the game with you
* Mini-games: game itself serves as a OS to launch other games
* Sean Preston Federline songs
1970s:
* A glowing dot that moves to the sides as the player operates a rotary controller
1980s:
* A single static graphic where generic aliens move around
* A progressively increasing number, called the 'score'. As it increases, the player is presumed to be more skiller than others with relatively lesser scores
* Game never ends: player keeps fighting larger enemies progressively
* Game punishes poorly skilled players by forcing them to restart the game
* Squares of light vaguely resemble generic aliens
* Beeps, boops
1990s:
* A vast world of either wilderness dotted with castles or platforms dotted with powerups
* Straight-path play: player keeps fighting larger enemies progressively until they face a very large enemy and then the game ends
* Game punishes poorly skilled players by forcing them to restart from the last saved position
* Generic aliens in 16-color palettes
* Beeps, boops forming a tune: sometimes bells
2000s:
* A vast world of wilderness and platforms dotted with castles and powerups
* A progressively increasing number, called the 'experience'. As it increases, the player is presumed to be more skiller than others with relatively lesser scores
* Multiple-path play: player keeps fighting larger enemies progressively until they face a very large enemy and then the game ends, but may optionally fight other enemies that'll make the very large enemy easier to defeat
* Game punishes poorly skilled players by chastising them with a stern voice
* Generic aliens in full-motion video and high polygonal counts
* Mini-games: 1980 games may be included as sub-games where the player may gain more experience'
* Britney Spears songs
2010s:
* Quadridimensional platform castles with powerup wilderness on them
* As you defeat enemies, slot machines start spinning and money belches out the console
* Pick what enemies you'll fight out of a list at the start of the game
* Game punishes poorly skilled players with delicious candy
* Generic aliens will sit beside you and play the game with you
* Mini-games: game itself serves as a OS to launch other games
* Sean Preston Federline songs
posted by Zaratustra at
1:19 PM
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