The Unbearable Awesomeness Of Being

Thursday, April 24, 2008

How One More Day Could Have Been Done Properly

(Parker home. Enter PETER PARKER, AUNT MAY and MARY JANE.)
PETER PARKER: I feel somewhat stupid about revealing my identity to the public.
AUNT MAY: Peter, you know I will always support you.
(AUNT MAY is shot and killed by a sniper.)
MARY JANE: And me, too. Also, I'm pregnant.
(MARY JANE is killed by someone. The VULTURE or something.)
J. JONAH JAMESON: Parker, you horrible person! People die because of your existence!
(JJJ is killed by ROCKET RACER.)
PETER PARKER: Mary Jane! Aunt May! Jonah! I rend my garments thus!
(PETER PARKER roams alleys in grief-stricken madness. Enter MEPHISTO.)
MEPHISTO: Parker, you suck.
PETER PARKER: I know. Oh, had I never taken the mantle of Spiderman!
MEPHISTO: Fear not, for I offer you a deal. I'll let you pull back all your fuck ups. Back to the first one.
MEPHISTO: Uncle Ben. You can go back and not have him killed. And every other stupid thing you did will be revoked.
PETER PARKER: My soul is not enough a price to pay for the lives that have died for me.
MEPHISTO: Pah, I don't want your soul. No price. Just say yes.
(Music comes to a crescendo as PARKER ponders the gravity of the situation.)
(Flash of bright light. Parker home. Enter UNCLE BEN, PETER PARKER. PARKER has different clothes.)
PETER PARKER: Uncle Ben, I'm home!
UNCLE BEN: Hello, Peter. Have you found a job yet?
PETER PARKER: Uh... not quite yet, Uncle. I'm looking for one, though.
UNCLE BEN: Peter, you're past twenty-five, you don't have a girlfriend and you don't have a job. What would your aunt say if she was alive?
PETER PARKER: I'm sure she'd be as worried as you, uncle.


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