The Unbearable Awesomeness Of Being

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Cranky Kong Was The Donkey Kong From Earth-2

This is the canon timeline as it exists after Crisis in Infinite Captain Ns.

62 Years Ago: Mario Sr. is born in Brooklyn. Along with his brother Luigi Sr., he performs jobs as a construction worker, where he often has to fight Donkey Kong Sr. and rescue a woman named Pauline. (Donkey Kong, Wrecking Crew, Game & Watch games)

41 Years Ago: Donkey Kong Jr. frees his father from Mario Sr.'s clutches. (Donkey Kong 2)

40 Years Ago: Mario Sr. discovers a network of pipes that leads to the Mushroom Kingdom. (Mario Bros.)

38 Years Ago: Mario Sr. and Pauline are wed and move to the Mushroom Kingdom.

36 Years Ago: Baby Bowser is born. (Yoshi's Island)

35 Years Ago: Mario Jr. and Luigi Jr. are born to Mario Sr. and Pauline. (Yoshi's Island)

34 Years Ago: Wario and Waluigi arrive from the Anti-Matter Mushroom Kingdom. (Yoshi's Island 2)

15-12 Years Ago: Mario Jr. and Luigi Jr. save the Mushroom Kingdom repeated times. (Super Mario Bros., Super Mario World, etc)

11 Years Ago: Mario Jr. and Luigi Jr. have a falling apart and go their separate ways. (Mario Sunshine, Luigi's Mansion)

9 Years Ago: Mario Jr. builds a castle to live with his bethroted, Princess Peach. He encounters Wario for the first time and fights him to a standstill. (Super Mario Land 2)

8 Years Ago: Luigi Jr., disguised as his brother, saves Princess Daisy. (Super Mario Land)

5 Years Ago: Mario Jr. finishes his doctorate and dedicates himself to philantrophy. (Dr. Mario, Mario Teaches Typing, Mario's Time Machine)

3 Years Ago: Mario Jr. goes missing in a mission to africa. Luigi Jr. comes out of retirement to rescue him. (Mario is Missing)

2 Years Ago: Mario Jr. and Luigi Jr. reconcile and decide to reform the team for charity competitions. (Mario Party, Mario Tennis, Mario Strikers, etc)

10 Years In the Future: Mario Jr. is called to a higher duty. He ascends to the heavens and is never seen again. (Mario Galaxy)


  • I can only assume that the Anti-Matter Mushroom Kingdom is modern-day Detroit.

    By Anonymous Kabbage, at 4/23/2007 2:41 PM  

  • So. Awesome.

    By Blogger Ununnilium, at 1/20/2009 8:50 PM  

  • You left out a large void in the history of Mario. Do you not remember virtual boy games such as Mario Clash, Mario's Tennis, and Wario World? Fucking amateur.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1/28/2009 1:24 PM  

  • This is a really neat timeline. =D Who really cares about those other games, it's about Mario and Luigi, not Wario and such... those games are like 'side stories' and extra. Especially the sport games. >> Those could have happened at any time. D:
    Don't take it too seriously, Anon.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5/19/2009 7:36 PM  

  • Wait, wasn't Luigi looking for Mario in Luigi's Mansion?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7/13/2009 8:11 AM  

  • Holy shit awesome.

    By Blogger Brian Marcelo, at 7/31/2009 1:06 AM  

  • Luigi would just be Luigi, not Luigi Jr. For him to be a Jr., there would have to be a Sr. There is no Luigi Sr. Present in this. :D

    By Anonymous Sandie Sandwicheadman, at 8/28/2009 2:14 AM  

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